Feel Bad for Feeling Bad for Someone Else

I was sitting at a coffee shop one day when a complete stranger says to me "psychoanalyze me." I thought, "well... this is random but OK!" "What makes you happy?", I asked. "If my sisters are happy, I'm happy", he replies. "Which one of your sisters are sick?" After all... why wouldn't his sisters be happy? "Well, I have 3 sisters, and the oldest one is quadriplegic from the neck down." I noticed his demeanor drop and the smile was now a frown. "What's wrong with that?" I was really just curious... I mean I guess it's kind of obvious but I wanted to play devil's advocate. "I feel bad for her because she can't do the things we do and she misses out on life." When he said he felt bad for her, it triggered disgust in my mind. If I were quadriplegic I would hate that people felt the need to feel bad for me. In fact, knowing that someone feels bad for me really sucks. Oh cool, you are talking to me or helping me because you think I am incompetent, powerless, or a victim. Not because you genuinely think I am a cool person and believe in me and know that this inconvenience in my life is only as inconvenient as I allow it to be and only as painful as other people tell me it should be... "Why are you judging her?" In an attempt to make him aware of the unconscious signals he was sending her. "I am not judging her! I love her! She is my sister." Perfect =) "Ok, lets go with that... tell me about how much you love your sister and how you wouldn't trade her for the world, and how you love all the talks you guys have shared, and how you would do anything you could to see her smile..." His frown turns around as these words remind him of his positive memories with her. Times when they shared happiness. "Yeah, I love my sister. She is amazing to me. I respect her. I couldn't imagine life without her..." Now he's got it. He is in the perfect state. "Imagine that every time you were in her presence that you felt that love that you feel for her now. Imagine if everyone she ever encountered also embraced that feeling of love and appreciation when they were in her presence. How could she possibly feel like she is missing out on anything?" "That's true..." He says with slight amazement... realizing how easy it is to raise his sisters quality of life. Next time you feel yourself feeling bad for someone... think twice. Put yourself in their place and give them what you would need to inspire you... to remind you that "you got this" and it's only as bad as it seems =)